Motherhood in a way opens our eyes and gets to know the inside of ourselves, our strengths, our fears, learned behaviours and patterns which we bring to the world with us as a result of our own upbringing. The mothers who have already children discover that after giving birth to them, the old wounds are reopened, not to injure anyone, but to request healing. When it comes to upbringing children, we are usually welcomed to upbring ourselves. This tour is not only 8 beautiful but also emotionally difficult and quite transformative.
For many women, the desire to break generational cycles becomes a guiding force. This is not a promise made out of perfectionism, but rather, of enlightenment. It is the result of the silent, heroic act to wait and think before reacting, to challenge some of the old notions and to build a healthier emotional climate than the one they might have been raised in. It can be quite burdensome to take another way, particularly in the situations when old patterns reveal themselves in the times of stress or exhaustion. However, seeing them is the initial indication of change and such tiny changes with time rewrite the storey to the next generation.
One aspect of this change is to be aware of the things that you are used to and the storeys you were given without evaluating them. Perhaps you had been taught not to express your feelings as you did not wish to stress others. Perhaps, you have been brought up in a family where people rarely had any peaceful conversations, or where love was not expressed in an open way. You may find yourself repeating things or behaviours you swore never to use. This does not make you a bad mother but it makes you human. At least we are not ignorant; that is as much as is needed to start healing.
Intentional parenting involves taking time to act rather than to react. It is the way of demonstrating to your children that feelings are not issues but omens. To teach them healthy coping skills, you might have to practise them yourself, whether it is a breath or a labelling of a feeling, or simply walking away and letting your body relax before you can speak. These elementary acts will teach children the emotional control, communication, and self respect in a manner that extends long past the years of childhood.
Self-compassion is another inspirational section of this voyage. You are doing a full-time job and a half when you are curing ancient wounds and bringing small humans up. That’s why grace is essential. Not all patterns will be fixed in a day. Change is gradual; it occurs in slow, steady-gradual decisions. One day you are going to be proud of the progress you have made, and other days you may have to revert to your old routines. Both are normal. The development does not go in straight lines and each step counts.
Surrounding oneself with a supportive community is also aided by it. It can be a close friend, a community on the Internet or a therapist; you can share your experience, and it will take the emotional burden off your hands. When you hear other people talking of how they went through the same plight you know that you are not alone. A lot of mothers are following the same footsteps, they are attempting to raise different than they were raised, to heal and they are leading another person through life. Community provides insight, confirmation and support at the times that you lose faith in yourself.
When you are building a nurturing environment to your children, you are, in many cases, building a nurturing environment to yourself. This can be in the form of establishing limits, permission to take a break or even to have emotions you did not want to feel previously. Feeding your own inner world, you demonstrate your children what it means by self-respect and taking care of the inner world. They learn by how you modelled them calm moments, when you made a mistake and fixed it, when you are ready to apologise, when you are dedicated to develop.
The information that it is possible to change something is one of the most priceless gifts you can give to your children. They will not only learn based on how you treat them, but on how you treat yourself. Healing will be an inheritance, shared by empathy, knowledge, and the willingness to redraw the patterns that you previously inherited.
There is no perfect mother, and there is a way of making an alternative choice. And each decision you make towards love, even the minor, quiet ones, builds healthier future to your family, offering gentle encouraging words for moms who are growing and healing along the way
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